


Into The Grey

by The_Fallen_Star



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Last of The Jedi Series - Jude Watson
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 05:24:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16486694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fallen_Star/pseuds/The_Fallen_Star
Summary: What happens when Kylo Ren and Rey explore further into the force touch.





	Into The Grey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My Sun and Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+Sun+and+Stars).



“What are you doing here? I thought we were done with this.” I say as I look over and see Ben staring at me. I know he’s not really here, but it bothers me all the same. His presence is overwhelming. His eyes are dark and deep and I can’t figure them out. I can’t figure HIM out. 

“Please. Don’t go.” He nearly whispers. I can see he’s in pain. “Don’t push me out. Not yet. We need to talk.” He finally looks up into my eyes. His anguish is so heavy, I have to look away. 

“What could we possibly have left to say? You’ve said it all; about the dark and light and my parents. It seems as though you’ve summed up every ordeal we could possibly have and practically spit it all in my face.” I turn away from him to leave, but something stops me; a pull, a force. “Look, Ben, I don’t think…’ I turned to face him and he was right in front of me. His chest, inches away from my face. I look up at him and he is already looking down at me. He seems to be searching my eyes for something.

“Don’t call me that.” He demands.

“Why not? It’s your name.” I respond with an attempt at courage. He breaks down my walls so easily, so I try to hide myself as best I can.

He bends his face closer to my ear and says, “Do not call me that.” I feel his breath catch and I take a step back. His closeness confuses me. It’s almost like half of me wants to turn and run in the opposite direction and the other half of me wants to be as close to him as I can be. I don’t understand this connection we have.

“You feel it, too. I can see the wheels turning in your head. You’re trying to figure it out, but you can’t.” He says as he takes a step closer to me, again. 

“I don’t understand… Snoke said he was the one connecting us. That he was controlling the force. If he’s gone, why do…” I begin to say.

“Why do we still have this… pull toward each other?” He continues my sentence. He allows the word “pull” to linger on his lips as he stares at me, hard. “I haven’t quite figured that detail out, yet; although, I have a few ideas.” He lets his sentence trail off. I can feel the tension in the air build as the silence grows louder. 

The ship jolts and I steady my balance on a wall. I look back over to where Ben would have been and he was gone. I breathed a heavy sigh. I hadn’t realized I had been holding my breath for so long. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind of what just happened. How we were still connected? Why we were still connected? What was he implying? Why did I like it? 

We landed back on Jakku and I decided to stay on the ship for a while. Chewy and 3PO went to port to see about some supplies and Finn and Poe looked into some bartering. I went to my cot to lie down. I can’t remember the last time I slept.   
I just lay there for a while. Thinking, remembering, hoping for something; wanting to clear anything up. I feel like my head has been swimming ever since we left Crait. 

As soon as I closed my eyes, I see him. He’s looking deep into my eyes. I try to move, but I can’t. I’m paralyzed. He’s screaming at me to get up; screaming to move. “I can’t!” I want to yell, but no words come out. All around us is fire; tall, bright flames that surround us completely. Something is holding him back from me. He’s fighting to get free; fighting to get to me. “Rey!” He shouts as he starts to scream. Tears sting his eyes and he cries out in pain. I don’t understand what’s happening. Who is doing this? I look over at Ben and the light is leaving his eyes. He’s fading fast and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I try to scream out his name; I try to move. 

I wake up screaming, but still unable to move. I look around with my eyes and notice a shadow in the corner of my quarters.

“Strong, isn’t it, that feeling?” I hear the shadow mumble. He stands and walks towards my cot. I’m still lying there, motionless. Ben is standing over me. I’m at his whim, unable to move. “Have you ever stopped to think what would have happened if Luke hadn’t stopped us. If we had touched hands in the Force when you were on Ahch-to… I think about it; if it was possible or not. I feel you here; your presence and I want to know if that is just a strong feeling or if it’s actually possible; to feel you; to touch you…” He sits on the edge of my cot and extends his hand as if he were going to brush the hair back from my face. He never touches me, though. I wonder why. I’m unable to move or stop him; why doesn’t he take what he wants.

“I want to… But I want you to want me to.” He says, answering my silent thought. “I long to know if it would work, but I want something given to me, not taken for me. I’ve spent my life taking things that aren’t mine; destroying things. As much as I want you… I need you, too. And that need far outweighs my want for you.” He stands up, walks forward, and places a closed fist against the wall. 

I realize I have feeling back in my arms and legs and sit up on the edge of my bed. “I need you, too.” I almost whisper in defeat. I never wanted to admit to Ben that I needed him. From the moment we first saw each other, I felt our deep connection and I knew he felt it, too. I continuously ignored the fact that the draw we have to one another is more than attraction and deeper than a kinship; it’s a need, a desire, a force that continues to strengthen as we give into it. I’d considered fighting it; ignoring our pull and leaving behind this force we have, but it felt like a part of me would go missing. I felt a hole when I wasn’t connected to him and that void physically pained me. 

“Does it hurt you, too?” I ask him as I stand.

“So much” He answers as he turns toward me.

“Ben I…” I let my train of thought die as I look to the ground in defeat. I take a small step in his direction and look up and he’s gone. 

My eyes fill with tears. Why does this hurt me? Why do I need him? Why does this hole sting me so badly when he’s gone?

I hear blasters from the corridor. I rush out of my room and run towards the sound of fire. 

“Rey! We’ve got company!” I hear Poe shouting over the sound of the blasters. I meet the fight right inside the door to the Falcon. I see Chewy heading to the pilot’s seat, trying to start up the ship and get us out of here. Poe and Finn have attempted to ward off some troopers that are trying to get in the ship. I grab my blaster and run into the line of fire. 

“We’ve got to get out of here now!” Finn yells in the direction of the cockpit. Chewy responds with some profanities spoken in Wookie. I chuckle as we continue to fight. More troopers show up and we are sorely outnumbered. The ship seems to start with a jolt as Chewy attempts to get it off the ground. Just as Finn hits the button to close the door of the ship, I feel a sharp pain sting my rib. I look down and see blood beginning to stain my clothes. The door closes and I stumble back against the wall.

“Rey!” I hear Finn, Poe, and another voice shout. Who was the third voice? My back hits the back wall and I begin to slide down to the ground. 

“No! Rey! Keep your eyes open. Stay awake, Rey! Stay awake!” I hear Finn shouting at me as I’m lifted off the ground. I was fighting to comply and keep my eyes open. I seemed to continue to drift in and out of consciousness. 

“She’s got to make it. She has to be okay. It can’t END like this.” Finn is becoming desperate in his pleas. I hear Poe speaking over a call system; calling for help. 

“Who is Ben? She keeps calling out for ‘Ben’.” 

I hadn’t realized I had been saying his name out loud; calling out for him. But, for whatever reason, he was the only thing I was thinking of; the only thing I felt I needed. I couldn’t shake him from my mind. 

Finn set me down on my cot and put pressure on my wound. I heard Poe leave us for help. 

“You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.” Finn continued to repeat over and over again. I could never settle on if he was reciting that to help me or help reassure himself. “I’ll be right back. I promise.” I felt Finn release pressure on my rib and stand to leave. As soon as he left the room, I felt a new presence; Ben’s presence.

“Rey.” I heard him breathe out. He seemed pained, concerned, but quiet. “What happened?” He rushed over to my cot. My eyes were open in slivers. I didn’t have enough energy to even sit up. “Troopers…” He stated as he assessed my wound. “What do you need? What can I do?” He began to lose his composure and become frantic. “I can feel you slipping away…” He touched my face as he said this and I felt it; his hand. As if he was actually in the room with me. I gasped at his touch and he pulled back.

“You felt that? You actually felt my hand touching you?” He asked leaning loser to me.

I nodded my head with the small amount of life I had left. 

Ben leaned down and placed his hands behind my head and helped me sit up. Every time he touched me, I felt a surge of electricity where his hand met my skin. 

“You can’t go like this. You can’t leave.” Ben said as he applied pressure to my wound. He got up and began rummaging through drawers and cabinets looking for anything that could help. Some sort of salve or gauze that could be applied. 

“I can’t find anything!” He shouts in a deep growl-like tone. I can feel his anger turn in to panic. “It hurts. Everything hurts.” He says as he comes back over to the cot and sits down. I’ve never seen him like this; frantic and grasping for some sort of sense that he can’t seem to reach.

“Ben…” I manage to whisper. I wince in pain and I feel his grip on my hand tighten.

“Rey… please. Please don’t. Don’t leave me. I need you. I can’t lose you.” He whispers out in pain. Our eyes meet and we feel our connection draw us in. He leans towards me; his face inches form mine. “Rey…” He begins, but I interrupt him with a kiss. He heaves a sigh against my lips and kisses me back. I have a newfound energy that erupts through me and I bring a hand up to his chest. His right hand reaches to the back of my neck and pulls me closer to him. He kisses me harder, with more passion. His left hand grips my arm and his fingers leave sparks on my skin. A soft moan escapes from his chest as our kiss deepens. It felt like nothing I have ever felt before. It was wrong and right, full of light and yet, dark and mysterious at the same time. I didn’t even feel pain anymore. I leaned forward and deeper into him. Our passion turned into desperation and our need for each other began to grow. 

Ben pulled away from me abruptly and when I opened my eyes, he was gone. I fell back onto my cot and my pain came back. Just as I closed my eyes again, Finn reentered the room with strips of gauze. 

“We’re flying to a safer place back on Jakku. We’re going to get you help. You’ve got to stay awake.” He tells me as he begins to pull my cover up to put gauze directly on my injury. I feel a pull and an anger that is not my own, rise in me at Finn’s touch. I feel the ship steady as it lands and Finn lifts me up to carry me out. We are met by Poe at the door of the ship. 

“Chewy, you and 3PO stay on board and take care of things here.” Poe says as he leads us off the ship. I close my eyes in pain. 

“Whoa, no, no, no. What are you doing here? Get out of here.” I hear Finn shout to someone in anger.

“Let me take her.” I open my eyes and see Ben standing in front of us. Poe draws his gun.

“Like hell you will.” Poe says and points the blaster at Ben. “Now, get out of our way.”

“Give the girl to me. I will get her help.” Ben pleads in a commanding voice. He sounds so serious with his walls guarded. 

“Look, Kylo, we aren’t looking for a fight. We just want to get her help; and fast.” Finn pleads. I open my eyes and Ben’s eyes meet mine. My injury seems to be getting worse and I cry out in pain.

“Give her to me!” Ben shouts. “Please!”

“Did he just say ‘please’?” Poe asks, completely stunned. “Wow, he must be serious, then.” 

“I am not amused with your ill-attempt at humor. I will not wait around any longer. Give me the girl.” Ben responds in a malicious tone. Even in his anger, I feel empathy for him. Poe and Finn don’t understand that Ben only wants to help me. Finn sets me down and pulls out a blaster, preparing for a fight. In Ben’s anger, I can see his strength grow. I feel my body slowly lifting off the ground. Almost as suddenly as I had noticed I was moving, I landed in Ben’s arms and we disappeared from Jakku, Finn, Poe, everything. 

We appeared in what looked like the back room of some sort of ship; blank, metal walls, empty room, with a metallic table in the center.

“I’m going to help you, but you’re going to have to trust me.” Ben says to me as he sets me down on the table. 

Against my better judgment, I trusted him. I never wanted to trust him. I never wanted to be close to him; connected to him. But I did and I was. Ben began to remove my cover to expose the wound. He grabbed some gauze strips. His eyes met mine as he reached his hand down to clean the injury. After wrapping my ribs with gauze, covered in some sort of ointment that stung, he took a cloak from a chair in the corner and placed it over me. I hadn’t noticed I was shaking until the warmth of the cloak hit me.

“Your friends need to control themselves.” He mumbled to me. The word “friends” come out a little more malicious than usual. 

“They just wanted to help.” I responded as I groaned and attempted to sit up on my elbows.

“I can help you.” He responded so gently. His tones changed as often as his moods. One moment he is gentle and open and the next he is cold and shut off.

“Ben, I can’t keep doing this; this up and down and back and forth with you. You have to decide.” I look at him firmly. I need him to know I’m serious. “I’m grateful for your help and I know we have this connection… but you still have this pull to the dark and that scares me. You scare me. We can’t continue to live in this dark and light being pulled against and pushed into one another like we’re doing.”

“I have a pull to the light, too. And you have a pull to the dark. It’s not like we exist in the one and ignore the other. We are hyper-aware of both sides.” He responds.

“But we can’t keep getting lost between.” I notice us leaning into one another as we continue.

“We don’t have to be lost there. We can survive there; between the dark and the light. We can create something there and thrive.” I can see a spark of excitement in his eye when he mentions this. I think on that idea for a moment. There is wrong with the dark and with the light. Neither side is all one thing; the ideas of perfection and destruction that run so deep between each side is constricting. Maybe what Ben is suggesting isn’t as impossible as it seems. 

“I can see you working it out in your head. It’s clicking. It’s beginning to make sense to you.” A small smirk turns up on the corner of his mouth. He’s enjoying this; this idea.

“I mean, I guess it does make sense, but will it work; us on our own?” I ask him, thinking logically. 

“Yes, for the time being. And maybe, in time, we can get others to see what we can. We can help open up their eyes to more than dark and light and the opposing sides that continuously pull us into more destruction.” He grabs both of my hands in his and pulls me closer to him. He sighs as he closes his eyes and leans his face closer to mine. Our lips brush against one another.

“Rey…” He breathes onto my lips. 

I close the gap between us and kiss him. Our bodies react and we pull each other closer. Imagining starting this new life, new beginning with him, allowed me to finally breathe after so much time. We would no longer hide ourselves in the light and in the dark. We can feel both sides and allow our strength to come from something more; ourselves, each other. This grey area may become complicated, but I’m hopeful… and I’m with Ben.


End file.
